by Breaking: Democracy Discovers New Voters No One Knew Existed
In what election officials are calling “the most ambitious voter turnout campaign in galactic history,” approximately 11 million illegal aliens allegedly cast ballots in the recent election, according to sources who definitely exist and absolutely aren’t making things up on the internet.
The stunning revelation came from alleged voter fraud claims circulating faster than facts through America’s premier social media echo chambers. According to conspiracy theorists with impressively detailed spreadsheets and zero evidence, these 11 million voters managed to bypass every security measure, poll worker, and basic logic check in what can only be described as the most competent government operation in American history.
“We’ve spent decades trying to get Americans to vote,” said fictional election official Margaret Hernandez, wiping away tears of joy. “Who knew all we needed was to stop checking IDs entirely and trust that 11 million undocumented individuals would risk deportation for the civic duty of participating in local school board elections?”
The logistics are impressive. According to official voter registration processes, these 11 million voters somehow obtained registration without Social Security numbers, birth certificates, or any of the documentation that typically makes Americans spend three hours at the DMV crying into a form. It’s almost as if someone didn’t think this conspiracy theory through.
Political analysts note the allegations bear striking similarities to the guy at your Thanksgiving dinner who insists he “saw something on Facebook” but can’t quite remember which Facebook, when, or whether it was actually a Minions meme. The Pew Research Center has found no evidence supporting mass voter fraud claims, but who needs Pew when you have screenshots of tweets from accounts with 47 followers and anime profile pictures?
Meanwhile, actual election officialsthe ones who work 18-hour days for poverty wages ensuring democracy functionsexpressed confusion about how they allegedly coordinated the largest voter fraud operation in history while simultaneously struggling to get enough volunteers to staff polling locations.
“I can barely get my staff to coordinate a lunch order,” said one county registrar. “But sure, we secretly processed 11 million fraudulent ballots. Right after we organized that fake moon landing and taught Bigfoot to vote absentee.”
The conspiracy theorists remain undeterred by pesky details like “evidence” or “basic math.” They’ve calculated that 11 million illegal voters equals approximately one fraudulent ballot for every American who still thinks they’ll win the lottery, which is coincidentally the same number of people who believe this story.
As America grapples with this latest assault on democratic integrityor rather, this latest assault on people’s ability to distinguish Facebook posts from journalismone thing remains clear: the real fraud isn’t at the ballot box. It’s in our collective willingness to believe anything that confirms what we already want to think.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/11-million-illegal-aliens-vote/
SOURCE: 11 Million Illegal Aliens Vote (Aisha Muharrar)
