by Because Apparently the First 15 Million Weren’t Enough
In a groundbreaking study conducted by the Institute for Perpetual Outrage, researchers have discovered fifteen additional reasons to maintain your Trump-related fury, bringing the total count to somewhere in the vicinity of “infinity plus one.” The findings were published in the peer-reviewed journal We’re Still Mad About 2016.
Leading the list is Reason #1: “He breathes air that could be used by more deserving people.” According to Dr. Melissa Furrows, chief researcher at the Institute, this represents a critical oversight in previous anti-Trump literature. “We spent years cataloging his tweets, his policies, his hair, but somehow we missed the fundamental injustice of his oxygen consumption,” she explained while hyperventilating into a paper bag adorned with Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s face.
Reason #7 caught many by surprise: “His existence makes it harder to enjoy Home Alone 2.” The brief cameo has retroactively ruined Christmas for millions of Americans who now fast-forward through what they call “the trauma scene.” One Brooklyn resident reported throwing her TV out the window after accidentally watching the forbidden footage, though she later admitted she’d been meaning to upgrade to a bigger screen anyway.
The study also revealed Reason #11: “He normalized wearing red hats, thus destroying America’s relationship with haberdashery.” According to political fashion analysts, sales of red baseball caps have plummeted 73% among liberal consumers, leading to what economists are calling “The Great Hat Recession of 2024.”
Perhaps most controversially, Reason #13 states: “He made it socially acceptable to like Diet Coke again.” Progressive nutritionists have been working overtime to re-stigmatize the beverage, with limited success. “We had successfully convinced people that Diet Coke was a war crime,” lamented one activist. “Then he came along and undid decades of our hard work.”
The research methodology involved polling 10,000 Americans who identify as “permanently furious” and asking them to dig deep into their souls to find fresh grievances. Many respondents reported the exercise as “surprisingly therapeutic” and “cheaper than therapy, which we can’t afford because of Trump.”
Critics of the study argue that perhaps fifteen million reasons might be sufficient, but the Institute dismissed such concerns as “defeatist thinking.” According to contemporary political discourse standards, there’s always room for more outrage in America’s already overcrowded anger economy.
The Institute plans to release a follow-up study next month titled “15 More Reasons After That” and has already secured funding for “15 Reasons: The Revenge” scheduled for 2026. When asked if there’s any limit to how many reasons they can manufacture, Dr. Furrows replied, “We’ll stop when we run out of reasons or when hell freezes over, whichever comes first. So probably never.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/15-more-reasons-to-hate-trump/
SOURCE: 15 More Reasons to Hate Trump (Aisha Muharrar)
