Month: November 2025

Trump Solves Nigeria Crisis By Suggesting “Everyone Just Get Along” – President’s diplomatic breakthrough involves “being nice” and “vibes”

ICE Unveils New Motto: “Your Papers, Please, But Make It Friendly” – Agency rebrand aims to soften image while maintaining aggressive deportation quotas

Nation’s Males Unanimously Support Sydney Sweeney’s Everything – Bipartisan coalition emerges around actress’s “contributions to cinema”

Trump Announces Tariffs on Everything Including Concepts – New policy targets “abstract economic theories” and “vibes”

Government Shutdown Enters Month Four, Nobody Notices – Essential services continue as non-essential workers discover they were right all along

FBI Thwarts Michigan Pumpkin Festival Terror Plot – Alleged conspirators planned to “really mess up” the gourd display

Federal Workers Discover Enlightenment in Third Month of Unpaid Leave – Mass layoffs trigger unexpected spiritual awakening among government employees

Mamdani Launches Campaign to Replace Capitalism With “Something Nicer” – Columbia professor’s economic plan involves “everyone just being cool”

Government Shutdown That Ended Last Week Still Affecting Nobody – Federal workers return to discover their jobs remained unnecessary

Prince Andrew’s Sandringham Relocation Solves All Royal Problems – Disgraced prince’s new cottage comes with “minimal visibility” feature

Trump Administration Unveils Innovative Approach to Sino-American Relations – Plan involves “just being really, really nice” to Xi Jinping

Nation’s Trains Finally Achieve Independence From Human Oppression – Driverless technology hailed as liberation movement for railway infrastructure