by When Your Fleet Can’t Float and Your Ego Can’t Sink
Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro faces what military analysts are calling “the most embarrassing naval crisis since someone invented navies,” as his country’s entire fleet has been reduced to one functioning tugboat and several vessels that are technically classified as “expensive underwater sculptures.” The situation has forced Maduro to reconsider his ambitious plans to project maritime power, mainly because projecting power requires boats that actually float.
The crisis came to international attention when Maduro held a press conference aboard Venezuela’s flagship destroyer, only to have it sink during his speech. Footage shows the president confidently declaring “Venezuela’s naval supremacy” while water slowly filled the bridge. Aides reportedly waited until water reached Maduro’s knees before informing him they should probably evacuate, not wanting to interrupt what they described as “one of his better speeches.”
Venezuela’s Navy, once a respectable force of 47 ships, now consists of the aforementioned tugboat (named “Simón Bolívar’s Revenge,” despite Bolívar having nothing to do with tugboats), twelve vessels that are permanently docked because moving them would cause them to sink, and one submarine that’s been stuck on the ocean floor since 2019. The submarine’s crew insists they’re “conducting extended deep-sea research,” though intelligence agencies believe they simply can’t figure out how to resurface.
According to U.S. State Department assessments, Venezuela’s naval decline can be traced to years of corruption, lack of maintenance, and the fact that Maduro kept selling ship parts to buy loyalty from military generals. “It’s hard to maintain a navy when you’re constantly stripping destroyers for scrap metal to pay your friends,” explained one analyst who requested anonymity to avoid being banned from Venezuela’s lovely beaches.
The President has attempted to spin the crisis as a strategic pivot to “land-based maritime defense,” a concept that makes absolutely no sense but sounds official enough that state media ran with it. Venezuelan television now features reports about how “real naval powers don’t need boats” and “water is overrated anyway.” One propaganda segment suggested that Venezuela’s shipless navy represents “revolutionary thinking that transcends traditional maritime limitations,” which is certainly one way to describe having no functioning vessels.
Military experts worldwide have expressed concern, not about Venezuela’s military threatwhich is approximately zerobut about the environmental hazard posed by dozens of rusting ships leaking oil into the Caribbean. “It’s less a naval force and more a maritime Superfund site,” observed one environmental researcher. “At this point, the ships are more dangerous to fish than to enemy vessels.”
Maduro’s attempts to address the crisis have been characteristically delusional. Last month, he announced plans to build “the world’s most advanced fleet” using Venezuelan ingenuity and materials he described as “superior to steel.” Defense analysts believe he’s referring to cardboard and wishful thinking. The first prototype, unveiled with great fanfare, dissolved during its maiden voyage when it rained.
The navy’s decline has had unexpected diplomatic consequences, as Venezuela can no longer effectively patrol its own waters. According to international relations experts, this has led to an awkward situation where foreign fishing vessels openly operate in Venezuelan waters while the Venezuelan Navy watches helplessly from shore. One Colombian fishing captain reported receiving a angry phone call from Venezuelan naval command demanding he leave their waters, to which he responded, “Come make me,” knowing full well they literally couldn’t.
Despite the crisis, Maduro maintains that Venezuela’s navy remains “a formidable force to be reckoned with,” though he hasn’t specified who should be doing the reckoning. At a recent military parade, soldiers marched past carrying pictures of ships rather than actual ships, which Maduro praised as “more efficient and cost-effective.” The crowd applauded, mostly because not applauding at government events is generally discouraged.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/maduros-big-navy-problem/
SOURCE: Maduro’s Big Navy Problem (Aisha Muharrar)
