by West African pedestrian realizes American infrastructure hates human legs
The Great American Walking Conspiracy
HOUSTON, TX – After his American colleague described a restaurant as “walking distance,” Sekou Diallo prepared for a pleasant 20-minute stroll. Two hours, three highway crossings, and one near-death experience with a pickup truck later, he understood that Americans define “walking distance” as “technically you could walk it, but we don’t recommend surviving the attempt.” The 28-year-old engineer from Senegal had just learned America’s cruelest joke: Everything is close, nothing is walkable.
“In Dakar, ‘walking distance’ means you walk,” Diallo explained from an Urgent Care where he was being treated for heat exhaustion and existential dread. “Here, it means someone once saw the destination from their car window and thought ‘that looks close-ish’ without considering that pedestrians exist.” The restaurant in question was .8 miles awaya distance his American coworkers deemed “basically next door” while exclusively arriving by vehicle.
When Sidewalks Are Theoretical Concepts
According to the U.S. Department of Transportation, approximately 35% of American streets lack sidewalks entirelya statistic Diallo confirmed by nearly becoming a hood ornament four times in one week. His attempt to walk to Target resulted in a police wellness check, three concerned citizens offering rides, and one woman who called him “brave” like he was climbing Everest instead of trying to buy toothpaste.
Trevor Noah said, “In Africa, walking is transportation. In America, walking is exercise.” Diallo agrees: “You people put on special clothes to walk nowhere on treadmills, but if I try to walk somewhere real, everyone thinks I’m having a mental health crisis. Your infrastructure is gaslighting me.”
The Crosswalk That Only Exists in Theory
Last Tuesday, Diallo attempted to cross a six-lane road using what Google Maps optimistically labeled a “crosswalk.” What he found was faded paint, no traffic signal, and drivers treating the concept of pedestrian right-of-way like an urban legend. After 15 minutes of false starts, a sympathetic driver stopped to let him cross. The cars behind her immediately began honking like Diallo had personally insulted their ancestors.
Jerry Seinfeld said, “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” Diallo wants to know why they call it a crosswalk when it’s actually a death wish with stripes. He’s timed the walk signals: 8 seconds to cross six lanes. “I’m not slow,” he protested. “I’m just attached to living. Your crossing signals are designed for Olympic sprinters with a death wish.”
The library.5 miles from his apartmenttook 45 minutes to reach on foot because the “direct route” involved crossing a highway, walking through a parking lot the size of his hometown, and navigating a section with no sidewalk where he had to walk in grass taller than democracy. “I saw a bus stop with no sidewalk leading to it,” Diallo reported, his voice hollow with disbelief. “Just a bus stop. In grass. Next to a highway. Who is this for? Ghosts?”
When Your Legs Are Suspicious Activity
The final straw came when a concerned neighbor asked if Diallo “needed a ride” while he was walking to check his maila journey of approximately 200 feet. “In my country, we walk to the market, to work, to visit friends,” he explained to the neighbor who looked at him like he’d confessed to witchcraft. “Here, I walk to my mailbox and people act like I’m training for a triathlon.”
Chris Rock said, “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy.” Diallo knows the world is crazy when the most dangerous thing he’s done in America is try to be a pedestrian. He’s been stopped by police twiceonce for “suspicious activity” (walking with groceries) and once for “looking lost” (walking while knowing exactly where he was going but being Black).
The Gym That’s Definitely Not Walking Distance
The irony peaks at 6pm when Diallo watches his neighbors drive to the gym.3 miles awayto walk on treadmills. “You drive to a place to walk in place,” he observed to his roommate, who saw no contradiction. “Why not just… walk to the gym? Then walk inside the gym? Double walking?” His roommate explained that “street walking isn’t the same as exercise walking.” Diallo is still processing this logic.
Dave Chappelle said, “Sometimes the funniest thing to say is nothing at all.” Diallo said nothing when his coworker drove four blocks to get coffee. Nothing when his neighbor took an Uber to the mailbox during a rainstorm. Nothing when someone asked him “Do you need me to call someone?” while he was simply walking home from work like a normal human being who enjoys using his legs for their intended purpose.
But his silence ended when he discovered that American suburban planning actively punishes pedestrians. “Your cities are designed by people who hate walking and also people,” he concluded after trying to walk to a pharmacy located “right there”across an eight-lane road with no crosswalk, through two parking lots, and past a drainage ditch that would have killed him if he’d fallen. The pharmacy was visible from his apartment. It took 35 minutes to reach on foot. By car? Three minutes.
When Infrastructure Becomes an Extreme Sport
Diallo has started documenting his walking adventures on TikTok. Videos include: “Trying to Cross [Local Street] Without Dying – Attempt #3,” “Where Did the Sidewalk Go? A Mystery,” and his most popular: “Americans Will Literally Drive to Their Driveway Before Walking to Their Mailbox.” The comments are split between Europeans horrified by American infrastructure and Americans asking why he doesn’t just buy a car.
Bill Burr said, “I’m not going to apologize for having a good time.” And Diallo’s not apologizing for wanting to use his legs. But his insurance company sent him a letter suggesting he “consider alternative transportation methods for safety” after his third near-death pedestrian experience. The alternative they suggested? A car. To go .4 miles. To a gym. To walk in place.
His American girlfriend tried to defend the infrastructure: “But babe, Texas is big. You need a car.” Diallo’s response: “Houston is big because you made it big with roads and parking lots. Dakar has 3 million people. Everyone walks. It works. Your city planning is just cars worshipping other cars while occasionally tolerating humans.”
The Neighborhood That Hates Feet
Last week, Diallo tried to walk to a neighborhood meeting about “improving community connectivity.” The meeting was 1.2 miles away. He was the only person who walked. Everyone else drove and parked in a lot big enough to land planes. The irony was thicker than Houston humidity. When he suggested adding sidewalks, one neighbor said, “But then strangers could walk here.” Diallo is still unpacking that sentence.
Amy Schumer said, “I’m not saying I’m lazy, I just really love sitting down.” Americans aren’t lazythey’ve built a country that makes walking so dangerous and inconvenient that sitting in traffic for 20 minutes feels easier than a 10-minute walk. Diallo’s revolutionary proposal: “What if… and hear me out… we built cities for humans with legs instead of cars with feelings?”
When asked if he’ll eventually buy a car, Diallo sighed deeply while looking at a destination .6 miles away that would require him to cross two highways and pray to three different gods to reach on foot. “Probably,” he admitted. “Not because I want to. Because your infrastructure has defeated me. You’ve built a country where walking is rebellion, and I’m too tired to be a revolutionary. Also, I’d like to see my family again without risking my life to buy milk.”
He pauses, then adds: “But I’m keeping my walking shoes. For the treadmill at the gym I’ll have to drive to. That’s where Americans have decided walking belongsindoors, going nowhere, costing $60 a month. At least in Senegal, when we walk nowhere, it’s free and we call it ‘being lost.’ Here, you pay for the privilege and call it fitness.”
SOURCE: Bohiney Magazine (Aisha Muharrar)
DATE: 11/5/2025
