by West African learns paying extra to avoid poison is just rich people problems
The Great Organic Food Scam America Swallowed Whole
SEATTLE, WA – Kofi Agyeman stood in Whole Foods staring at a single organic bell pepper priced at $3.99 and experienced what he describes as “economic vertigo mixed with ancestral disappointment.” The 30-year-old engineer from Ghana did quick math: this one pepper cost more than his mother feeds his entire family for a day back home. “You’re charging me $4 for one vegetable because you didn’t spray poison on it,” Agyeman said to nobody in particular. “Back home, we just call that ‘normal vegetables.’ You people pay extra for food that isn’t trying to kill you and act like that’s premium service. This is insane.”
In Ghana, Agyeman’s family grew vegetables in their yardtomatoes, peppers, greensall organic by default because nobody could afford chemicals anyway. In Seattle, his coworkers spend $200 weekly at Whole Foods buying organic everything because they’ve been convinced that regular food is poison. “Your organic food is just regular food with better marketing,” Agyeman explained to his roommate who just paid $7 for organic eggs. “Those chickens aren’t living better lives. They’re just more expensive chickens whose suffering costs extra.”
When Not Being Poisoned Becomes a Luxury
According to the USDA, organic food costs 20-100% more than conventional food, which confused Agyeman since the absence of pesticides shouldn’t cost moreit should cost less. “You’re paying more for farmers to do less,” he calculated. “No synthetic pesticides, no genetic modification, no growth hormones. That’s less work, less inputs, less cost. But somehow you pay double. You’re not paying for organic foodyou’re paying for the fear of non-organic food that companies invented to sell you expensive vegetables.”
Jim Gaffigan said, “I’m not saying I’m cheap, but I did just spend 20 minutes deciding between two brands of paper towels.” Agyeman’s not cheaphe’s just stunned that Americans spend 20 minutes deciding between organic and non-organic bananas that look identical, taste identical, and have identical nutritional value but cost 60% more because one has a sticker that says “organic.” “The banana doesn’t know it’s organic,” Agyeman observed. “It’s still a banana. You’re paying for your own anxiety.”
The Organic Label That Means Everything and Nothing
Agyeman investigated organic certifications and discovered the rules are so loose that “organic” often means “we used different chemicals you haven’t heard of yet.” His coworker insisted organic is healthier. Agyeman pulled up studies showing negligible nutritional differences. “You’re paying double for the same nutrients,” he explained. “The only difference is marketing and your perception. You think it tastes better because it cost more. This is the placebo effect in vegetable form.”
Dave Chappelle said, “Modern problems require modern solutions.” America’s modern problem is they industrialized food production and filled it with chemicals. Their modern solution is paying double for food that isn’t filled with chemicals instead of just regulating the food industry better. “You’ve created a problempoisonous cheap foodand sold the solutionexpensive safe foodback to rich people,” Agyeman marveled. “Poor people get poisoned affordably. Rich people pay extra to not be poisoned. This is capitalism at its most dystopian.”
His favorite absurdity: organic water. Someone tried selling Agyeman organic water for $4 per bottle. “Water is water,” he protested. “It’s H2O. You can’t make it more organic. It’s not alive. It doesn’t have DNA. This is just expensive tap water with lies on the label.” The seller explained it’s “sourced from organic springs.” Agyeman asked what makes a spring organic. The seller couldn’t answer. Agyeman left before he said something that got him banned from the farmers market.
When Regular Food Becomes Suspicious
Agyeman’s coworkers avoid non-organic produce like it’s radioactive. “If it’s not organic, I don’t eat it,” his coworker Sarah declared while spending $47 on organic groceries that would’ve cost $23 non-organic. “So you’d rather starve than eat a regular apple?” Agyeman asked. “Regular apples have pesticides,” Sarah explained. “So do organic apples,” Agyeman countered. “They just use different pesticides you approve of because marketing convinced you they’re safer. You’re not avoiding chemicalsyou’re avoiding cheaper chemicals.”
Chris Rock said, “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy.” Agyeman knows the world is crazy when people are more afraid of affordable food than expensive food, as if price determines safety. His coworker won’t eat non-organic strawberries but will drink alcohol, smoke occasionally, and never exercise. “Your organic strawberries aren’t saving you,” Agyeman said. “Your lifestyle is killing you while you worry about pesticides on fruit you wash anyway.”
The Whole Foods Where Shopping Requires a Trust Fund
Agyeman visited Whole Foodswhat he calls “the museum of overpriced anxiety”and calculated that one week of groceries there costs what his family spends monthly in Ghana. Organic chicken: $18/lb. Organic quinoa: $12/lb. Organic kombucha: $5 per bottle of fermented tea that tastes like regret. “You’re paying $5 for spoiled tea,” he told a fellow shopper. “In my country, we call spoiled tea ‘trash.’ Here, you call it wellness and charge $5. This is peak American capitalism.”
Bill Burr said, “I’m not going to apologize for being right.” Agyeman’s not apologizing for shopping at regular grocery stores where food is affordable and equally nutritious. “Whole Foods is where rich people go to feel superior about groceries,” he observed. “You’re not healthier for shopping thereyou’re just poorer and more anxious. You’ve turned food shopping into moral performance. Organic = good person. Non-organic = poisoning your family. It’s manipulation, and you fell for it.”
The breaking point came when Agyeman saw “organic” saltsodium chloride, a mineral, being sold as organic. “Salt is a rock,” he explained to the universe. “Rocks aren’t alive. They can’t be organic. This is chemically impossible. You’re selling regular salt with the word ‘organic’ for triple the price to people who don’t understand chemistry. This isn’t marketingit’s fraud.” He bought regular salt. His food tasted identical. His wallet was happier. His ancestors weren’t spinning in their graves.
When Fear Becomes More Profitable Than Food
Agyeman discovered the organic food industry is worth $70 billion annuallynot because organic food is better but because companies successfully convinced Americans that regular food will kill them. “You people are so afraid of everything,” he told his coworker. “Pesticides, GMOs, hormones, chemicals. Meanwhile, you eat fast food twice weekly, drink alcohol, stress constantly, and never sleep. But sure, organic kale is what’s saving you from death. Not exercise, sleep, or stress managementexpensive vegetables.”
Amy Schumer said, “I’m not saying I’m lazy, I’m saying I’m energy efficient.” Americans aren’t health efficientthey’re anxiety-driven consumers who spend money on organic food while ignoring actual health factors like exercise, sleep, stress, and not eating entire pints of organic ice cream. “Organic ice cream is still ice cream,” Agyeman explained. “It’s still sugar and fat. The organic label doesn’t make it healthyit makes it expensive. You’re paying extra to feel better about eating junk food. That’s not wellnessthat’s marketing genius.”
The Farmers Market Where Everything Costs Like Imported Luxury
Agyeman visited a farmers market expecting reasonable prices for local produce. He found $8 heirloom tomatoes, $6 organic cucumbers, and $12 per pound organic ground beef. “This is local?” he asked the farmer. “Yes, grown right here,” the farmer confirmed. “Then why does it cost like it was imported from Mars?” Agyeman demanded. The farmer explained organic farming costs more. Agyeman explained his grandmother farms organically in Ghana because she can’t afford chemicals and still doesn’t charge $8 for a tomato. “You’re not charging more because it costs more,” he concluded. “You’re charging more because Americans will pay more if you call it organic and local and sustainable. You’re not farmersyou’re luxury food vendors for guilty rich people.”
Kevin Hart said, “Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work.” Everybody wants healthy food, but nobody wants to admit that organic food’s main benefit is making you feel superior at checkout, not actually making you healthier. Agyeman’s coworker insists she “feels better” eating organic. Agyeman insists that’s the $200 weekly placebo effect working as intended.
The cruelest irony: low-income Americans can’t afford organic food, so they eat “regular” food and get blamed for poor health outcomes. “You’ve created a system where healthy food is expensive,” Agyeman observed. “Then you shame poor people for being unhealthy. But they can’t afford your $7 organic bell peppers. They’re buying whatever feeds their family cheapest. You’ve made nutrition a class issue and blamed individuals for systemic problems. Rich people eat organic and live longernot because organic food is better, but because being rich means better healthcare, less stress, more sleep, safer neighborhoods, and access to organic food that’s marginally better at best.”
When Organic Food Becomes Identity
Agyeman’s coworkers talk about organic food the way religious people discuss faith. “I only eat organic,” they announce, like it’s a personality trait. Agyeman only eats food he can afford that tastes good. His personality is based on things more interesting than grocery shopping habits. “You’ve made food choices into moral judgments,” he told his coworker who was judging someone’s non-organic yogurt. “They’re not a worse person for buying regular yogurt. They just have different prioritieslike paying rent.”
Trevor Noah said, “In Africa, we don’t have the luxury of being picky.” Americans have the luxury of spending extra on organic food while millions globally lack reliable food access. Agyeman’s perspective: “You’re worried about pesticides on your organic blueberries while people in my country worry about having any blueberries. Your problems are rich people problems. Your organic obsession is rich people solving rich people problems they invented. Meanwhile, actual food insecurity exists, but that’s not trendy enough for Whole Foods to solve.”
When asked if he’ll convert to organic food, Agyeman laughed while eating a regular banana that cost $0.19 instead of the $0.79 organic banana next to it. “Never,” he said. “I’ll buy food based on quality, price, and tastenot fear-based marketing. Your organic food industry is built on convincing you that regular food is poison so you’ll pay double for the privilege of not being poisoned. Back home, we call that extortion. Here, you call it wellness. The food is the same. The fear is manufactured. The prices are inflated. And you’re paying for the illusion of safety in a country that could just regulate food safety better but chooses not to because selling organic food to rich scared people is more profitable than protecting everyone.”
He paused, then added: “You want to know what’s actually killing Americans? It’s not non-organic food. It’s stress, lack of sleep, no exercise, processed food consumption, healthcare access issues, and working too much to cook real meals. But sure, spend $200 weekly on organic groceries while working 60 hours, sleeping 5 hours, never exercising, and stressing constantly. Your organic kale salad isn’t saving you from that lifestyle. You’re optimizing the wrong variable. But at least you feel morally superior at checkout. That’s worth $200 weekly, right? The feeling that you’re a good person because you paid more for vegetables? Meanwhile, I’m eating my ‘regular’ food, saving thousands yearly, and somehow not dying from pesticide exposure. The difference isn’t the foodit’s that I haven’t been convinced to fear affordable nutrition.”
SOURCE: Bohiney Magazine (Aisha Muharrar)
DATE: 11/16/2025
