by Immigrant discovers paying strangers for obvious advice
When Common Sense Becomes Billable Hours
DENVER, CO – Akua Mensah’s American friend announced she hired a life coach for $200 per session to help her “figure out her goals.” The 29-year-old from Ghana had questions: “What are life coaches?” Her friend explained: professionals who help you make life decisions, set goals, and figure out what you want. Mensah’s follow-up: “You’re paying someone to tell you what you want?” Her friend nodded. “They help me clarify my thinking.” Mensah realized Americans had created an industry where people pay strangers to ask them questions about their own lives that they could ask themselves for free in mirrors.
In Accra, when Mensah needed advice, she talked to family, friends, elderspeople who knew her and cared about her outcomes. In Denver, her coworkers pay life coaches $150-500 per hour for guidance from people who met them three weeks ago. “You’re paying strangers who don’t know you to give you advice about your life,” Mensah observed. “Your parents know you and advise you for free. You ignore them and pay strangers. This is either very smart or very stupid, and I’m leaning toward stupid.”
When Self-Help Became a Paid Service
According to the International Coach Federation, life coaching is a $15 billion global industry, with Americans consuming the majority of services. Mensah’s friend explained her life coach helps her “identify limiting beliefs and create action plans.” Mensah’s translation: “Your coach asks you questions about what’s stopping you and what you want to do. You could ask yourself those questions for free. You’re paying $200 hourly for question-asking. I’ll ask you those questions right now: What’s stopping you? What do you want? ThereI just life-coached you. That’ll be $0.”
Jim Gaffigan said, “I don’t know what’s in shape, but I know I’m not paying someone to tell me.” Americans don’t know what they want, so they pay life coaches to facilitate wanting. Mensah’s friend has been seeing her life coach for six months$4,800 spent on figuring out goals she still hasn’t pursued. “You’ve paid $4,800 to think about doing things without doing them,” Mensah calculated. “You’ve outsourced thinking to someone who charges for thoughts. Meanwhile, the thinking hasn’t produced action. You’re paying for the process of considering action, not action itself. This is expensive procrastination with accountability.”
The Life Coach Certified by Weekend Course
Mensah investigated life coaching requirements: many coaches have no formal training beyond weekend certification courses costing $500-3,000. “Your life coach took a weekend course and now charges you $200 hourly,” she told her friend. “That’s $400,000 yearly if fully booked. For asking questions and repeating your answers back to you. Your coach isn’t more qualified than you at your lifeyou’ve lived your life exclusively. They’ve known you for six sessions. Yet you trust their guidance over your own judgment. You’ve outsourced self-trust to someone whose qualification is a certificate from a weekend workshop.”
Dave Chappelle said, “Sometimes you have to protect yourself from yourself.” Americans need protection from life coaches who charge $200 to say things like “What do you really want?” and “What’s holding you back?”questions your friends ask for free but you ignore because they didn’t come with hourly rates. Mensah’s friend defended: “My coach holds me accountable.” Mensah’s response: “You’re paying $200 per hour for accountability? Get a friend. Or a mirror. Or basic self-discipline. Accountability shouldn’t cost $200 hourly. That’s not accountabilitythat’s expensive babysitting for adults who can’t set alarms and follow through.”
When Obvious Advice Costs Premium Prices
Mensah attended a life coaching session with her friend (observer fee: $50) and witnessed what she describes as “expensive repackaging of common sense.” The coach asked: “What would success look like for you?” Her friend answered. The coach said: “That’s powerful. What’s one step you could take toward that?” Her friend suggested a step. The coach said: “I love that. When will you do it?” Her friend named a date. “That’s the session,” Mensah whispered. “Asking obvious questions you could’ve asked yourself. You paid $200 for someone to say ‘I love that’ after you answered your own questions. This is therapeutic McDonald’sfast, formulaic, unsatisfying.”
Chris Rock said, “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy.” Mensah knows America is crazy when people pay hundreds for advice like “follow your passion” and “take action toward your goals”wisdom available free in fortune cookies and Instagram memes. Her friend’s life coach specializes in “career transitions”helping people figure out if they should quit jobs. “You’re paying someone to help you decide if you’re unhappy,” Mensah marveled. “You know if you’re unhappy. You feel it daily. But you’ve convinced yourself that you need professional validation of your feelings before acting on them. Your coach can’t decide for youthey just facilitate your decision through expensive questions. You could decide free by listening to yourself.”
The Action Plan That Never Gets Actioned
Mensah’s friend has three-month action plan from her life coach: update resume (not done), apply to five jobs weekly (not done), practice interview skills (not done). “You paid $2,400 for a to-do list you’re not doing,” Mensah observed. “The coach can’t make you actonly you can. You’ve paid for accountability without accepting accountability. The coach’s job is asking if you did the things. Your job is doing the things. You’re failing your job while paying someone to witness your failure. This is performance art about procrastination.”
Bill Burr said, “I’m not going to apologize for being right.” Mensah’s not apologizing for thinking life coaches are expensive placebos. “They work if you believe they work,” she told her friend. “But so does talking to yourself in mirrors, journaling, or asking friends for advice. The coaching doesn’t create changeyour decision to change creates change. The coach is expensive witnessing. You’re paying $200 hourly for someone to watch you think about changing. Change is free. You’re paying for the theater of change without actual changing.”
Amy Schumer said, “I’m not saying I’m lazy, I’m saying I’m energy efficient.” Americans aren’t decision efficientthey’re decision-avoidant. They pay coaches to facilitate decisions they could make themselves because external authority feels more valid than internal knowing. “You don’t trust yourself,” Mensah told her friend. “So you pay someone to reflect your own thoughts back to you with authority. When the coach says ‘What do you want?’ and you answer, suddenly it feels real because you said it to someone who charges $200 hourly. If you said it to yourself in a mirror, it wouldn’t feel valid. You’ve externalized self-trust and monetized it.”
When Every Life Problem Becomes Coachable
Mensah discovered life coaches for everything: career coaches, relationship coaches, wellness coaches, productivity coaches, purpose coaches, mindset coaches. “You’ve created a coach for every aspect of living,” she marveled. “You need professionals to help you work, love, exercise, be productive, find meaning, and think correctly. At what point do you admit you’ve outsourced being human? You’re paying others to teach you how to exist. Your ancestors existed without coaches. They figured out work, relationships, health, purpose, and thinking without $200 hourly guidance. You have more resources and less competence. This is evolution in reverse.”
Kevin Hart said, “Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work.” Everybody wants better lives, but nobody wants to make decisions without professional validation. Americans have replaced internal authority with external coaches who charge for reflection and call it transformation. Mensah’s friend has seen her coach for six months and changed nothing except her bank balance. “Maybe,” Mensah suggested gently, “you don’t need a coach. Maybe you need to listen to yourself, trust your judgment, and act on your decisions without requiring $200-per-hour permission from someone who doesn’t know you better than you know you.”
When asked if she’ll ever hire a life coach, Mensah laughed while making a life decision by herself in approximately 30 seconds. “Never,” she said. “I’ll continue making decisions by evaluating options, trusting my judgment, and actingancient wisdom that’s worked for humans forever without certification or billing. You people have complicated life by adding intermediaries between your desires and your actions. The intermediary is a coach who charges $200 to ask ‘What do you want?’ You want what you want. You know what you want. You just don’t trust yourself enough to act on it without paying someone to validate it. That’s not a coaching problemthat’s a self-trust problem. Fix it by trusting yourself, not by paying others to mirror your thoughts back to you at premium prices. Back home, we make decisions, get advice from people who know us, and move forward. Here, you pay strangers to facilitate navel-gazing and call it transformation. Six months and $4,800 later, you’re still thinking about changing. Free self-reflection produces the same results: thinking about changing without changing. Save your money. Trust yourself. Act on your decisions. That’s life coaching I’ll give you free.”
SOURCE: Bohiney Magazine (Aisha Muharrar)
DATE: 11/27/2025
