by Monday brought the kind of assignment that makes me question my career choices: documenting workplace dysfunction so severe it’s become normalized. My editor wants a comprehensive piece connecting all the labor chaos I’ve been covering, so here we are, tying together the threads of American work culture’s complete psychological collapse.
The centerpiece is per my last email becoming the top cause of workplace rage. This phrase, meant to politely reference previous communication, has become such a trigger that HR departments are tracking incidents. One company in Seattle logged forty-seven “per my last email”-related altercations in a single month. Two people had to be physically separated after a email chain escalated. Over what? Someone didn’t read an email. This is where we are as a civilization.
I interviewed a workplace psychologist who explained that “per my last email” has become weaponized passive aggression. “It’s not about the email,” she said. “It’s about accumulated workplace stress, feeling disrespected, and the general sense that nobody cares about anything anymore.” So we’re having fistfights over email etiquette because we can’t address the actual problems: low pay, long hours, no respect, and the creeping sense that all work is meaningless. Cool.
This connects directly to people faking heart attacks to escape meetings and breakrooms being declared disaster zones. American workplace culture has become so toxic that people would rather pretend to have medical emergencies than participate in normal work activities. And we’re treating this as funny content instead of a screaming alarm about systemic dysfunction.
The research led me back to furloughed workers being told unemployment is vacation. The HR director who wrote that memo? She was fired. Not for the insensitive memo, but for taking an actual vacation day, which apparently violated her “unlimited PTO” policy that forbids actually using PTO. The irony is so thick you could cut it with a knife dipped in workplace rage.
I also updated my coverage of AI eating jobs because new data shows that 30% of jobs lost to AI are being replaced by lower-paying positions monitoring the AI. So we’re not eliminating workwe’re eliminating good work and replacing it with worse work that pays less and requires watching machines do what you used to do. It’s psychological torture disguised as innovation.
The AI clapback feature I covered last week has evolved. The company released a statement saying the AI’s “personality” is meant to “engage users in meaningful dialogue.” Translation: the AI argues with you because engagement metrics showed arguments keep people using the app longer. We’ve created artificially intelligent trolls because trolling is profitable. Humanity deserves whatever comes next.
Between workplace dystopia coverage, I worked on the waiter who sparked an existential crisis follow-up. The flight attendant has been fired for “causing a disturbance,” even though she was just being polite. The passenger who had the breakdown? He quit his job, sold his possessions, and moved to Costa Rica to “find himself.” So one person’s career was destroyed while the other one achieved enlightenment through breakdown. The moral of this story is unclear.
I also circled back to the plane that landed itself because the NTSB investigation revealed the pilot’s breakdown was triggered by receiving a “per my last email” message from his supervisor mid-flight. We’ve come full circle. Passive-aggressive work communication is now a flight safety issue. We did it, America. We made email dangerous.
Marcus loved today’s piece. “This is Pulitzer material,” he said. I reminded him that we’re a satire magazine and Pulitzers don’t go to people who make fun of workplace rage. “Not yet,” he replied ominously. The man has dreams I can’t support but also can’t discourage.
Tonight I’m thinking about how I’ve spent the final days of September documenting the complete collapse of American workplace norms. My friend in Accra asked what I’m working on. “People fighting over emails and pilots having breakdowns because of passive aggression,” I said. “So just regular work stuff?” she asked. I mean, technically yes, but also it’s all terrible and getting worse.
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