by California’s Most Expensive Agriculture Policy Disaster
California Governor Gavin Newsom has unveiled his latest policy masterpiece: a state-funded “Strawberry Cavalry” designed to revolutionize agriculture through what experts are calling “aggressive fruit militarization” and “the kind of idea that sounds good after too many glasses of Napa wine.”
The Strawberry Cavalry initiative, which will cost taxpayers $847 million, involves training special agricultural forces to “aggressively manage strawberry production” through methods including tactical irrigation, strategic fertilization, and presumably charging into fields on horseback shouting about sustainable farming.
“California leads the nation in innovation,” Newsom announced while standing in a strawberry field wearing an outfit that cost more than the annual income of the farmworkers behind him. “We’re taking agriculture into the 21st century by applying military tactics to fruit production. Because if history has taught us anything, it’s that nothing improves farming quite like unnecessary bureaucracy and paramilitary organization.”
The Strawberry Cavalry will consist of 2,000 specially trained “Agricultural Combat Specialists” who will undergo six months of intensive training in strawberry varietals, tactical harvesting, and how to look serious while discussing berry firmness. Each specialist will earn $125,000 annually, which is coincidentally four times what actual farmworkers make doing the real work.
According to California Department of Food and Agriculture statistics, the state already produces 90% of America’s strawberries without military intervention. But why settle for efficient free-market agriculture when you can have government-funded fruit soldiers?
“We identified a problem that didn’t exist and created an expensive solution nobody asked for,” explained policy advisor Jennifer Martinez. “It’s basically our mission statement at this point.”
The program includes several concerning elements: a “Strawberry Intelligence Division” to monitor berry-related threats (presumably from rogue blueberries), a “Tactical Agriculture Response Team” for strawberry emergencies (whatever those are), and a command center that will coordinate strawberry operations with the kind of intensity usually reserved for natural disasters or alien invasions.
Critics note that California’s agricultural sector faces real challengeswater scarcity, labor shortages, and climate changenone of which are solved by creating a paramilitary fruit force. But those problems are complicated and boring, whereas the Strawberry Cavalry sounds exciting and generates headlines, which is apparently how policy works now.
The initiative has sparked predictable responses. Progressive activists praise it as “innovative agriculture reform,” ignoring that it doesn’t actually reform anything. Conservative critics mock it as “typical California excess,” while proposing equally stupid ideas in their own states. And actual farmers wonder if anyone in Sacramento has ever grown anything besides their political ambitions.
According to sustainable agriculture experts, improving California farming might involve water conservation, supporting small farmers, and addressing labor rightsnot creating an expensive military structure for strawberries. But complexity doesn’t photograph well, and Newsom needs photo opportunities.
The Strawberry Cavalry has already encountered problems. Training facilities are over budget, recruitment is challenging (turns out military-style strawberry management isn’t a popular career path), and someone has to explain to the Governor that “strawberry tactical operations” sounds like either a dessert recipe or a euphemism nobody wants explained.
Meanwhile, actual farmworkersthe people who already pick California’s strawberries in difficult conditions for minimal paywatched the Strawberry Cavalry announcement and wondered if maybe, just maybe, California could spend $847 million on improving their working conditions instead. But where’s the military-style branding opportunity in treating workers fairly?
As California lurches toward what historians will surely call “the great strawberry militarization debacle,” Newsom remains confident. After all, when you’re positioning yourself for a presidential run, you need bold initiatives. Even if those initiatives involve spending nearly a billion dollars to solve problems that don’t exist through methods that won’t work.
It’s governance as performance art, policymaking as personal branding, and strawberries as political props. Welcome to California, where even fruit gets its own government agency.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/gavin-newsoms-strawberry-cavalry/
SOURCE: Gavin Newsom’s Strawberry Cavalry (Aisha Muharrar)
