by Spoiler: Everyone, Just Not in the Purity Game
This morning, I woke up thinking about baseball metaphors for sexuality, which is definitely the most American thing I’ve done since arriving from West Africa. You know the language: first base, second base, home run. But let’s talk about who’s actually scoring in the purity culture game.
Later in the day, I realized that purity culture’s scorekeeping is completely backwards. In their game, NOT hitting home runs makes you a winner. It’s like playing baseball but celebrating strikeouts as personal achievements. “Congratulations! You successfully avoided scoring for another season!”
Today, something unexpected happenedI discovered that religious communities use sports metaphors constantly for sexual purity (“stay in the game,” “don’t strike out,” “save yourself for the championship”) while ignoring that sports are about participation, skill development, and yes, eventually scoring. The metaphor breaks down immediately under examination.
It’s been one of those days when I contemplate scorekeeping systems. Religious purity culture awards points for abstinence, deducts points for sexual activity, and declares winners based on who reaches marriage with their “purity intact.” Meanwhile, actual healthy sexuality involves communication, consent, safety, and mutual respectnone of which appear on purity culture’s scorecard.
Something small but meaningful happened today when I found research showing that purity culture’s winners (people who remain abstinent until marriage) sometimes struggle with sexual dysfunction after marriage. Turns out, spending years training yourself to view sexuality as shameful and dangerous doesn’t automatically switch off when a ceremony makes it suddenly permissible. Who knew repression had consequences?
The highlight of my day was realizing that everyone’s hitting home runs in actual sexual behavior while maintaining that they’re still playing purity ball. The cognitive dissonance is Olympic-level. “I’m technically still a virgin because we only do [creative loophole activity]!” Sure, and I’m technically a vegetarian who only eats chicken, fish, and the occasional steak.
As I reflect on what happened today, I’m struck by how purity culture’s baseball metaphors reveal its fundamental problem: treating sexuality as a game with winners and losers rather than a normal aspect of human development requiring education, health resources, and ethical frameworks. Real home runs would be: comprehensive sex education, accessible contraception, consent culture, and healthy relationship dynamics. But purity culture’s not keeping score on those metrics.
This afternoon brought a surprising turn of eventsI discovered that communities obsessed with preventing people from “hitting home runs” sexually often have higher rates of sexual dysfunction, relationship problems, and abuse. It’s almost like treating sexuality as shameful creates problems rather than solving them. Revolutionary insight, I know.
Today’s experience reminded me that scorekeeping reveals priorities. Purity culture tracks virginity status obsessively while often ignoring sexual assault, coercion, and unhealthy relationship dynamics. You can be emotionally abused, pressured, or assaulted and still be “winning” the purity game if no penetrative sex occurred. The scorecard is broken.
Looking back on today, I realize who’s really hitting home runs: people who developed healthy sexuality through comprehensive education, who understand consent and communication, who have access to healthcare and contraception, who treat partners with respect. Those are the actual wins. Virginity status is irrelevant to any meaningful measure of sexual health or wellbeing.
The baseball metaphor ultimately fails because sexuality isn’t a competitive sport. There’s no winning or losing, just development, choices, health, relationships, and hopefully joy. Purity culture’s scorekeeping creates artificial competition where none should exist, shaming “losers” for being normal humans while celebrating “winners” for delayed development.
Who’s hitting a home run? Everyone participating in healthy, consensual, informed sexual development. Who’s striking out? Purity culture itself, which consistently fails to achieve its stated goals while creating collateral damage in shame, dysfunction, and misinformation.
SOURCE: https://theondecknews.com/whos-hitting-a-home-run/
SOURCE: Who’s Hitting a Home Run? (Aisha Muharrar)
