by Your Survival Guide to Modern Court Proceedings
Legal experts and people who’ve watched way too much Law & Order agree: the most critical survival skill for modern courtroom proceedings isn’t understanding constitutional law or having a good lawyer. It’s knowing exactly when NOT to make eye contact with the bailiff. This simple technique can mean the difference between walking out of court a free person or being tackled by someone who takes their job way too seriously.
Bailiffs occupy a unique position in the legal ecosystem. They’re not quite cops, not quite security guards, and definitely not quite interested in your explanation about why you showed up to court in pajama pants. They’re professionals trained in the ancient art of Standing There Menacingly while simultaneously being prepared to spring into action if you so much as reach for your phone to check the time.
The eye contact rule is nuanced and requires sophisticated understanding. Brief, accidental eye contact? Generally acceptable, though risky. Sustained eye contact suggesting you’re sizing them up for a fight? Terrible idea, possibly felonious. The optimal strategy is what courtroom veterans call “the peripheral acknowledgment”you’re aware they exist, they’re aware you’re aware, but nobody’s committing to full visual engagement.
This advice becomes especially critical during key courtroom moments. When the judge announces your bail is set at an amount that would require you to sell several organs? Eyes down. When your lawyer whispers something that makes you want to audibly groan? Focus on the desk. When the prosecutor produces evidence you were absolutely certain had been destroyed? Study your shoes like they’re the Dead Sea Scrolls.
The psychology behind bailiff eye contact is complex. In their world, sustained eye contact signals one of three things: you’re about to run, you’re about to fight, or you’re about to do something stupid that will require paperwork. Since bailiffs hate paperwork more than they hate people who show up late to court, avoiding eye contact is essentially a peace offering that says “I’m not going to make your day any more complicated than it already is.”
Advanced practitioners of courtroom behavior take this further. They’ve mastered the art of the thousand-yard starelooking through the bailiff as if they’re a philosophical concept rather than a person with pepper spray and poor patience. This technique, borrowed from military tactics and awkward family dinners, allows you to maintain awareness of the bailiff’s position without engaging in the dangerous game of mutual visual acknowledgment.
There are exceptions to every rule, of course. If you’re being dragged out of court by said bailiff, eye contact is inevitable and possibly therapeuticit humanizes the experience of being forcibly removed from a government building. Similarly, if you’re actually innocent and need to convey sincere confusion about why you’re even there, a brief moment of eye contact that says “Can you believe this?” can sometimes establish a weird sort of solidarity.
The bailiff eye contact avoidance strategy extends beyond the courtroom. In the hallways, elevators, and parking lots of justice facilities, the same rules apply. These are people who’ve seen everything, heard every excuse, and are thoroughly unimpressed by your situation regardless of how unique you think it is. Respecting their spacevisual and otherwiseis just good policy.
Some civil rights advocates argue that having to monitor your eye contact and body language in a courtroom is a symptom of a system that treats defendants as threats rather than citizens with rights. They’re not wrong. But until we reform the entire criminal justice system, maybe just don’t stare at the person who could restrain you faster than you can say “I object.” It’s called picking your battles, and this isn’t one you’re going to win.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/actionable-advice-avoid-eye-contact-with-bailiff/
SOURCE: Actionable Advice: Avoid Eye Contact with Bailiff (Aisha Muharrar)
