African Immigrant Baffled Americans Schedule “Quality Time” With Their Own Children

West African discovers American families require calendar apps to spend time together

When Family Time Requires Outlook Invitations

ATLANTA, GA – Amina Hassan knew American culture was different, but she didn’t expect to discover that spending time with your own children required advance scheduling, color-coded calendars, and sometimes professional mediation. The 35-year-old teacher from Nigeria watched her neighbor, Jennifer, schedule “quality time” with her 8-year-old daughter for Thursday at 6pm—between soccer practice and bedtime—and realized American family life operates like a corporate merger. “You scheduled time with your child,” Hassan repeated slowly. “Your child. Who lives in your house. You need a calendar reminder to interact with someone you gave birth to.”

In Lagos, Hassan’s family just… existed together. Meals happened communally. Conversations occurred naturally. Nobody sent calendar invitations to spend time with relatives who lived in the same house. “We didn’t call it ‘quality time,'” Hassan explained. “We called it ‘being a family.’ You don’t schedule it—you just do it. Like breathing. You don’t put ‘breathe’ in your calendar at 7pm, do you?”

When Parenting Becomes Another Task to Optimize

According to research from Child Trends, American parents now spend an average of 120 minutes daily in “focused child interaction”—a phrase that confused Hassan since she thought interaction was constant, not focused and timed like a workout. Jennifer explained she “blocks time” for her daughter to ensure “meaningful connection.” Hassan’s response: “You live together. When is the connection not meaningful? When you’re ignoring her the rest of the day?”

Jim Gaffigan said, “I don’t know what’s worse: my kids whining or me whining about my kids whining.” Hassan doesn’t know what’s worse: American kids being over-scheduled or American parents scheduling time to parent their over-scheduled kids. The average American child has 6-7 scheduled activities weekly. The average parent schedules “family time” around those activities like it’s another appointment. “You’ve turned being a family into a meeting,” Hassan observed. “Does your daughter get an agenda? Meeting minutes? Action items?”

The Playdate That Requires Three Weeks Notice

Hassan’s daughter wanted to play with a neighbor kid. In Nigeria, this would involve walking next door and asking. In America, it required Hassan texting the mother, checking calendars, coordinating schedules, confirming attendance, and planning a two-hour window three weeks later. “We scheduled childhood,” Hassan marveled. “Children used to just… play. Now they have calendars busier than CEOs. Your 6-year-old has less free time than my grandmother, and she runs a market stall.”

Dave Chappelle said, “Modern problems require modern solutions.” American kids’ modern problem is they’re too busy to be kids. The modern solution is scheduling more activities to develop them into successful adults, which requires parents to schedule time to interact with the children they’ve over-scheduled. Nobody sees the circular insanity.

Jennifer defended her approach: “I want to be intentional about parenting.” Hassan’s counter: “You can’t schedule intention. You’re either present or you’re not. Your daughter doesn’t need ‘quality time’ from 6-7pm on Thursdays. She needs you available when she needs you, which is constantly and unpredictably because she’s a child, not a client meeting.” Jennifer looked uncomfortable. Hassan had violated the unspoken rule: never suggest American parenting might be performative scheduling instead of actual presence.

When Dinner Together Needs a Reservation at Your Own Table

Hassan’s most disturbing discovery: American families rarely eat dinner together. Between parents’ work schedules, kids’ activities, and everyone’s “busy lives,” family dinner happens 2-3 times weekly—and those are scheduled in advance like restaurant reservations at a table they own. “You can’t find time to eat food together in your own home?” Hassan asked her coworker, who has two kids. “We try,” her coworker sighed. “But Mondays Brady has soccer, Tuesdays Emma has dance, Wednesdays I work late, Thursdays Brady has tutoring…” Hassan interrupted: “So everyone just eats separately? In the same house? You’re roommates, not a family.”

Chris Rock said, “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy.” Hassan knows the world is crazy when families need to schedule being families. Her coworker’s solution was “family dinner night” every Sunday—one meal weekly where everyone is required to attend and interact. “It’s on the calendar,” her coworker said proudly, showing Hassan a calendar event titled “MANDATORY FAMILY DINNER.” Hassan stared at the word “mandatory.” “You have to mandate that your family eats together. This doesn’t concern you?”

The Weekend Organized Like a Military Campaign

Saturday in Jennifer’s household runs on a minute-by-minute schedule: 8am breakfast, 9am daughter’s art class, 11am grocery shopping, 12pm lunch, 1pm son’s baseball, 3pm daughter’s piano, 5pm “family activity” (scheduled), 6pm dinner, 7pm bath time, 8pm bed. “When do they just… exist?” Hassan asked. “This is existing,” Jennifer replied. Hassan disagrees: “This is productivity theater. You’re training children that every moment needs purpose and scheduling. What happened to boredom? Playing outside? Doing nothing? You’ve eliminated childhood and replaced it with a training program.”

Bill Burr said, “I’m not going to apologize for being right.” Hassan’s not apologizing for thinking American kids are over-scheduled and under-parented. “You’re very busy doing parenting activities,” she told Jennifer. “But are you actually being a parent? Because from here, it looks like you’re a schedule coordinator who occasionally sees her children between appointments.”

Jennifer tried explaining that activities develop skills, build character, prepare kids for competitive futures. Hassan listened, then asked: “What about the skill of being bored and figuring out what to do? The character built from unstructured time? Preparation for a future where they can exist without constant stimulation? You’re raising children who can’t function without schedules and supervision. Back home, kids play outside until dark. They invent games. They entertain themselves. They learn independence. Here, they learn how to go from one scheduled activity to another while parents congratulate themselves for ‘providing opportunities.'”

When Homework Requires Parental Project Management

Hassan discovered American homework often requires more parental involvement than child effort. Science projects need adult supervision, planning, execution, and sometimes adult completion. “Your child’s homework is your homework,” she observed after watching Jennifer spend three hours building a volcano for her daughter’s science project. “Why are you doing her work?” Jennifer explained she’s “helping.” Hassan countered: “You’re doing. She’s watching. She’s learning that adults will do hard things for her if she waits long enough. That’s not education—that’s training dependence.”

Amy Schumer said, “I’m not saying I’m lazy, I’m saying I’m energy efficient.” American parents aren’t energy efficient—they’re energy-exhausted from doing their children’s work while scheduling quality time they’re too tired to enjoy. Hassan’s neighbor spent $200 on supplies for a project worth 10% of the grade. “That’s not parenting,” Hassan said. “That’s outsourcing your child’s education to your own labor and budget.”

The Birthday Party That Needs a Planning Committee

When Hassan threw her daughter a birthday party, she invited kids, bought cake, and let them play in the yard for three hours. Cost: $45. Effort: minimal. Fun: maximum. Jennifer’s daughter’s birthday party required: a theme (princess), matching decorations, a bounce house, catered food, a photographer, party favors, coordinated invitations sent three weeks early, and Jennifer coordinating RSVPs like a wedding planner. Cost: $850. Effort: enormous. Fun: debatable—Jennifer was too stressed to enjoy it.

Kevin Hart said, “Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work.” American parents want Instagram-perfect childhoods but won’t let kids just be kids without documentation, coordination, and costly production. “You’re performing parenting for an audience,” Hassan told Jennifer while looking at her 47 party photos posted with hashtags. “Who are you proving this to? Your daughter had fun at my ‘simple’ party for $45. Your daughter was stressed at her own $850 party because you kept positioning her for photos. Which party was actually for her?”

The uncomfortable truth: American parenting often prioritizes appearance over experience. Hassan’s kids play in dirt, climb trees, entertain themselves for hours without supervision or scheduling. American parents see this and either judge it as “neglect” or envy it as “free-range parenting” like it’s exotic. “It’s just parenting,” Hassan said. “You’ve made it complicated because you’re competing with other parents instead of just raising your kids. Every activity is a status symbol. Every scheduled hour proves you’re involved. Every photo proves you’re a good parent. But your kids just want you present, not performing.”

When “Being There” Means Physically Present While Mentally Absent

Hassan watched Jennifer at her son’s baseball game—physically attending (scheduled in calendar) but mentally scrolling through work emails the entire time. Her son hit his first home run. Jennifer missed it. “You scheduled time to watch him,” Hassan said. “But you didn’t actually watch him. What’s the point of being there if you’re not actually there?” Jennifer’s response: “I’m there. That’s what matters.” Hassan’s response: “Your body is there. You are not. He’ll remember you were at his game. He won’t remember you seeing his home run. Because you didn’t.”

Trevor Noah said, “In Africa, we don’t have the luxury of being distracted.” American parents have the luxury of being physically present while mentally absent—at games, recitals, dinners—and calling it “being involved.” Hassan’s observation: “You’re there but not present. You schedule time but don’t give attention. You take photos to prove you attended but miss moments because you’re documenting instead of experiencing. Your kids have scheduled parents, not available parents. There’s a difference.”

When asked if she’ll adopt American parenting schedules, Hassan laughed while her kids played outside unsupervised, unbothered, and unscheduled. “Never,” she said. “My kids have free time—actual free time where they’re bored and figure out what to do. We eat dinner together every night without calendar invitations. I don’t schedule ‘quality time’ because all our time together is our time. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but at least I’m not treating my family like a series of appointments to attend between more important commitments. Back home, family is the important commitment. Here, family is what you fit in when everything else allows. Your kids are growing up in the margins of your schedule. That’s not quality time—that’s quantity of scheduling with quality of nothing.”

She paused, then added: “You people invented ‘work-life balance’ because you let work consume life. Then you invented ‘quality time’ because you don’t have quantity of time. Then you scheduled family dinners because family stopped being automatic. You’re solving problems you created by creating more problems. And your kids are paying the price—not in lack of activities or opportunities, but in lack of you. The real you. The unscheduled, imperfect, fully present you. They don’t need better schedules. They need more of you and less of your calendar.”

SOURCE: Bohiney Magazine (Aisha Muharrar)

DATE: 11/12/2025