by West African baffled by infant product industry excess
When Babies Need Corporate Sponsors
SEATTLE, WA – Yaa Osei attended her American friend’s baby shower and witnessed gift-giving that resembled a small business inventory acquisition. The 27-year-old from Ghana watched people present: wipe warmers ($30), baby food makers ($150), bottle sterilizers ($80), specialized diaper disposal systems ($60), designer strollers ($900), and something called a “Snoo smart sleeper bassinet” costing $1,695. “Your baby has $3,000 worth of equipment and hasn’t been born yet,” Osei observed. Her friend’s response: “We still need more things.” Osei’s counter: “Your baby needs milk and sleep. You’re buying industrial complex.”
In Accra, Osei’s family raised babies with: cloth diapers, breasts or bottles, somewhere safe to sleep, and hands to hold them. Cost: minimal. In Seattle, babies require nurseries full of products marketed as “essential” but used never or briefly. “You’ve turned babies into consumers before they can consume,” Osei marveled. “Your baby’s carbon footprint starts in negative before first breath.”
When Parenting Requires Product Catalog
According to USDA estimates, raising a child costs $310,000 from birth to 18, with first year averaging $15,000-20,000. Osei’s friend’s baby registry totaled $8,400 for first-year products. “You’re spending $8,400 on things your baby will use maybe six months before outgrowing,” Osei calculated. “That’s $1,400 per month in depreciation. You’re buying a used car’s worth of baby products that will be obsolete in a year. This isn’t parenting preparationit’s consumer ritual signaling you can afford to overpay for things your parents raised you without.”
Jim Gaffigan said, “People who say ‘it’s not brain surgery’ have clearly never seen a diaper change.” Osei says people who think babies need $8,400 worth of products clearly haven’t seen how humans raised babies for thousands of years without wipe warmers. Her friend explained each product serves specific purposewipe warmer prevents cold shock, bottle sterilizer ensures hygiene, Snoo bassinet reduces SIDS risk. “Your mother raised you without Snoo bassinet,” Osei reminded. “You survived. SIDS existed then. Parents were careful without $1,695 smart bassinets. You’ve been marketed fears then sold solutions. Companies invented problemscold wipes, insufficiently sterilized bottlesand sold you expensive fixes. Your baby doesn’t need warmed wipes. Your baby needs to be changed. The temperature of wipes is manufactured concern.”
The Baby Registry With 247 Items
Osei reviewed her friend’s registry: 247 items totaling $8,400. Necessities like diapers and bottles: maybe $800. Everything else: wants disguised as needs. “You have seven types of bottles,” Osei noted. “Your baby has one mouth. Why does one mouth need seven bottle systems? You’re preparing for bottle-related contingencies that don’t exist. You’ve been convinced that parenting requires product for every scenario. This is hoarding disguised as preparation. You don’t need 247 items. You need diapers, feeding method, safe sleep, and confidence that humans have raised babies successfully for millennia without $8,400 registries.”
Dave Chappelle said, “Kids have never been expensivekeeping up with other parents is expensive.” Osei agrees: babies aren’t expensivebaby product culture is expensive. Her friend admitted registry was influenced by what other parents had. “You’re buying things because others bought them,” Osei observed. “This is peer pressure disguised as parenting standards. You’re not buying for babyyou’re buying to match other parents’ consumption levels. You’ve turned parenting into competition measured by product accumulation. The parent with most baby products wins? Wins what? Most debt? Most clutter? Least critical thinking about marketing?”
When Babies Need Subscription Services
Osei discovered her friend subscribed to: diaper delivery service ($80 monthly), baby food delivery ($60 monthly), and baby product rental service ($40 monthly). “Your baby has more subscriptions than you have magazine subscriptions,” Osei calculated. “You’re paying $180 monthly in baby subscriptions. That’s $2,160 yearly for convenience of not buying diapers at stores and making baby food yourself. Your baby is generating subscription revenue for three companies before being able to recognize a parent’s face. This is capitalism’s perfect subjectconsumer who can’t opt out because parents are paying.”
Chris Rock said, “You know the world is going crazy when babies need monthly subscription services.” Osei knows America is crazy when people pay for diaper delivery that costs more than buying diapers at Target five minutes away. Her friend defended: “I won’t have time to shop.” Osei’s response: “You’ll have time to work to earn money to pay for subscriptions that deliver things you could buy cheaper during errands you’ll run anyway. Diaper subscription isn’t saving timeit’s adding expense to avoid task you’ll do regardless. You’re paying $80 monthly to not walk down store aisle. That’s expensive laziness.”
The “Must-Have” Products Nobody Actually Needs
Osei investigated products marketed as “must-haves” that parents survived without for generations: wipe warmers (keeps wipes warm), bottle warmers (heats bottles), baby food makers (blends food), UV sterilizers (uses UV light to sterilize), white noise machines (plays sounds). “Every product solves problem that isn’t problem,” Osei observed. “Cold wipes? Baby will survive. Cold bottles? Warm them in water. Baby food? Blend regular food. Sterilization? Boil water. White noise? Open window. You’re paying for problems you don’t have. Companies have convinced you that parenting without their products is dangerous or difficult. It’s not. It’s just cheaper.”
Bill Burr said, “I’m not going to apologize for being right.” Osei’s not apologizing for thinking baby product industry preys on new parent anxiety. “You’re scared,” she told her friend. “First baby. You want to do everything right. Companies exploit that fear by selling products marketed as essential for baby’s health, safety, development. But humans raised babies successfully for 200,000 years without baby product catalogs. Your ancestors raised your parents without wipe warmers. Your parents raised you without Snoo bassinets. Everyone survived. You’ve been convinced that modern parenting requires modern products. It doesn’t. It requires food, safety, love, and immune system that develops by not being constantly UV sterilized.”
When Baby Products Become Status Symbols
Osei realized expensive baby products signal wealth and good parenting. Parents with Snoo bassinets and UPPAbaby strollers signal they can afford best, therefore are best parents. “You’re not buying productsyou’re buying parenting credentials,” Osei told her friend. “The expensive stroller signals you care enough to spend $900 on wheels. The fancy bassinet signals you prioritize safety enough to spend $1,695. These are signals to other parents, not benefits for baby. Your baby doesn’t care if stroller costs $900 or $100. Baby cares if stroller moves. You care if stroller impresses other parents. You’re parenting for audience.”
Amy Schumer said, “I’m not saying I’m lazy, I’m saying I’m energy efficient.” American parents aren’t product efficientthey’re product obsessed. They buy everything marketed to them without questioning necessity. Osei’s friend admitted she bought things because parenting websites listed them as essential. “Parenting websites are sponsored by baby product companies,” Osei explained. “Their ‘essential’ lists are advertisements. They make money when you buy products through their links. You’re taking product recommendations from salespeople pretending to be advice-givers. This is conflict of interest so obvious that you should’ve noticed. But you didn’t because you trust ‘experts’ over common sense.”
The Products Used Once Then Stored Forever
Osei’s friend’s garage contains: barely-used baby swing ($180), unused bottle sterilizer ($80), rarely-used baby food maker ($150), designer diaper bag ($250) used twice, and six boxes of products purchased but never opened. “You’ve spent $1,000+ on things you barely used,” Osei calculated. “These products are now garage storage occupying space and representing wasted money. You bought them because registry said you needed them. You didn’t need them. Now you can’t return them because you opened packaging, used once, and realized they’re unnecessary. This is $1,000 lesson about trusting marketing over experience. Your mother could’ve told you none of this was necessary. But you trusted baby product websites over your mother.”
Kevin Hart said, “Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work.” Everybody wants to be good parents, but nobody wants to ignore baby product marketing and trust that basics are sufficient. American parents buy everything advertised, use fraction of it, then buy more for next baby because maybe second baby will need wipe warmer the first baby didn’t need. “You’re repeating mistakes instead of learning,” Osei observed. “Garage full of barely-used products should teach you that you don’t need most baby products. But you’ll probably buy similar products for next baby because you’ve internalized that good parenting requires product consumption. It doesn’t. It requires presence, attention, and feeding. Everything else is optional.”
When asked if she’ll buy extensive baby products, Osei laughed while listing what she’d actually buy: diapers, feeding supplies, safe sleep space, weather-appropriate clothes. “Total cost: under $500,” she estimated. “I’ll skip the $8,400 worth of products you bought but don’t need. I’ll trust that babies need food, sleep, cleanliness, and lovenot UV sterilizers and wipe warmers. You people have been convinced that parenting requires industrial complex. It doesn’t. It requires humans doing what humans have done forever: keeping babies fed, safe, and loved. That’s free except for food and diapers. But companies can’t profit from ‘keep baby fed and safe,’ so they invented products solving problems you don’t have and convinced you these products separate good parents from bad parents. They don’t. Good parents respond to baby’s needs. Bad parents ignore them. Products are irrelevant. Your $1,695 Snoo bassinet doesn’t make you better parent than someone with $100 regular bassinet. It makes you parent with $1,595 less money who fell for marketing. Your baby will be fine without most products you bought. You won’t be fine with debt you accumulated buying unnecessary products. But at least your baby’s wipes will be warm. That’s worth going broke for, right?”
SOURCE: Bohiney Magazine (Aisha Muharrar)
DATE: 12/1/2025
