by When Court Proceedings Become Must-See TV
In the latest sign that we’ve completely given up on having a serious society, “Arraignment Live” has become America’s highest-rated television program, beating out reality shows, sports, and even The Bachelor, which honestly says more about The Bachelor than it does about our collective fascination with criminal proceedings. Who needs scripted drama when you’ve got real people facing real consequences in real time, complete with commercial breaks and color commentary?
The show’s format is deceptively simple: strap some cameras to court reporters, mic up the lawyers who will inevitably object to being mic’d up, and let the chaos unfold. What makes “Arraignment Live” truly special is its unpredictability. Will the defendant cry? Will their lawyer be competent? Will someone spill coffee on important legal documents? Nobody knows, and that’s exactly why 47 million Americans tune in every week instead of doing literally anything productive.
The breakout star of the show isn’t a judge or lawyerit’s Karen, the court reporter who’s become famous for her perfectly timed facial expressions when defendants say things that are obviously lies. Her raised eyebrow game is so strong that she’s been offered a Netflix special and a book deal. The working title? “I’m Not Supposed to React But Holy Hell Did You Really Just Say That.” Publishers are calling it a guaranteed bestseller.
What really sets “Arraignment Live” apart from traditional court coverage is its production value. The network hired the same people who produce NFL broadcasts, which means viewers get instant replays of particularly devastating prosecutor objections, slow-motion footage of defendants realizing they’re going to jail, and a telestrator breaking down legal evidence like it’s a fourth-quarter touchdown drive.
The show has spawned an entire cottage industry of “Arraignment Live” watch parties, where Americans gather with their friends to drink wine and judge people who made significantly worse decisions than their own questionable choices. It’s become the new Game of Thrones, except the betrayals are real and the consequences don’t require CGI dragons.
Legal experts have mixed feelings about the show. Some argue it demystifies the judicial process and educates Americans about how courts actually work. Others point out it’s turned serious legal proceedings into entertainment and may be undermining the dignity of the justice system. Both groups agree on one thing: the ratings are absolutely insane, and capitalism has never cared about dignity anyway.
The show’s most viral moment came when a defendant’s lawyer spilled an entire grande latte onto a stack of exhibits during a particularly tense cross-examination. The footage was replayed so many times that Starbucks saw a 15% increase in their stock price. The lawyer, meanwhile, became an internet meme and now does sponsored content for coffee-resistant legal portfolios.
Critics worry that “Arraignment Live” is contributing to the celebritization of crime, where people commit offenses partially hoping they’ll become the next viral sensation. The show’s producers dismiss these concerns while simultaneously planning a spin-off called “Sentencing Sundays” and negotiating streaming rights for a series about parole hearings called “Freedom or Forfeit.”
Perhaps most concerning is how the show has affected actual court proceedings. Defendants now prepare for their arraignments like they’re going to a red carpet event, complete with hair stylists and media coaches. Lawyers have started playing to the cameras, delivering closing arguments that sound suspiciously like they’ve been workshopped by the same people who write pharmaceutical commercials. And judges, who definitely shouldn’t care about ratings, have somehow become more quotable and gif-able.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/arraignment-live-law-order-and-the-occasional-latte-spill/
SOURCE: Arraignment Live: Law, Order, and the Occasional Latte Spill (Aisha Muharrar)
