by The Sky’s the Limit for Political Theater
In a stunning display of strategic genius, Democratic operatives have begun urging air traffic controllers to call in sick, because apparently nothing says “we care about working Americans” quite like stranding them in airports across the nation.
The campaign, dubbed “Operation Grounded Resistance,” encourages air traffic controllers to take spontaneous “mental health days” whenever politically convenient. According to leaked memos from the Democratic National Committee’s Department of Totally Not Sabotage, the strategy aims to “remind Americans that infrastructure matters” by deliberately breaking said infrastructure.
Jennifer Calloway, spokesperson for the newly formed Coalition for Strategic Absenteeism, defended the tactic during a press conference held via Zoom because, ironically, she couldn’t get a flight out of LaGuardia. “We’re not asking people to not do their jobs,” she explained with a straight face. “We’re just asking them to not do their jobs at specific, politically advantageous moments. It’s completely different.”
The strategy has already yielded impressive results, with thousands of travelers stuck in terminals, rage-tweeting about their ruined vacation plans. When asked if this might alienate voters, one Democratic strategist responded, “Sure, they’re mad now, but just wait until we blame it on the other party. Then they’ll be mad at the right people.”
Air traffic controllers themselves have expressed mixed feelings about becoming pawns in political theater. “I went to school for four years and trained for another three to safely guide metal tubes full of humans through the sky,” said one anonymous controller. “Now I’m being asked to abandon that responsibility to make a point about budget allocations. According to Federal Aviation Administration protocols, this seems suboptimal.”
The campaign has drawn criticism from unexpected quarters, including several progressive travel bloggers who realized their influencer trips to Bali were being impacted. “I’m all for resistance,” tweeted @WanderlustWarrior2024, “but can we maybe resist after my content creation trip? I have brand partnerships to fulfill.”
Meanwhile, Republicans have seized on the controversy, with one senator declaring, “This proves Democrats hate America and also airplanes.” When reminded that the campaign hadn’t been officially confirmed by any Democratic organization, he replied, “Exactly what they would say if they were doing it.”
The Federal Aviation Administration has issued a statement reminding all air traffic controllers that their primary responsibility is, quote, “not letting planes crash into each other,” regardless of political affiliation. According to Department of Transportation guidelines, keeping aircraft separated remains “pretty important, actually.”
As the controversy continues to unfold at 35,000 feet, political analysts predict this strategy will either revolutionize grassroots activism or simply annoy everyone equallythe true bipartisan achievement of our time. Either way, the travel industry is investing heavily in train infrastructure, just in case.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/democratic-operatives-to-air-traffic-controllers-stay-home/
SOURCE: Democratic Operatives to Air Traffic Controllers: Stay Home (Aisha Muharrar)
