by Paranormal Activity Meets Presidential Ego
The White House has confirmed reports that former President Donald Trump believes Abraham Lincoln’s ghost haunts the Lincoln Bedroom bathroomnot to offer wisdom or historical perspective, but apparently to critique Trump’s bathroom habits and interior design choices.
According to sources who definitely weren’t making this up over cocktails, Trump has reported multiple encounters with Lincoln’s bathroom-dwelling spirit, who allegedly appears whenever Trump uses too much gold-plated fixtures or makes historically questionable decisions. Which, if true, means Lincoln has been working overtime.
“The ghost is very judgmental,” Trump reportedly told aides. “Very judgmental. He keeps muttering something about ‘preserving the Union,’ but I think he’s just jealous of my bathroom’s ratings. Huge ratings. Lincoln’s bathroom never got ratings like this.”
The paranormal encounters allegedly began when Trump remodeled the Lincoln Bedroom bathroom, replacing historically appropriate fixtures with what witnesses described as “a Vegas casino bathroom had a baby with Trump Tower.” Lincoln’s ghost apparently took exception to the gold-plated toilet paper holder and chandelier that required its own structural support beam.
White House historians note that Lincoln’s ghost has been “seen” by multiple presidents throughout history, always offering wisdom during times of national crisis. However, this marks the first time the ghost has allegedly focused exclusively on bathroom criticism and appears visibly exhausted. According to White House Historical Association records, most presidential ghost sightings involve moments of contemplation, not arguments about towel thread counts.
“Lincoln freed the slaves and preserved the nation,” said one historian. “Now he’s apparently spending eternity as an interior design critic. This is not what we died at Gettysburg for.”
Trump has reportedly attempted to negotiate with the ghost, offering to name the bathroom the “Trump-Lincoln Luxury Bathroom Suite” in exchange for positive reviews. Lincoln’s ghost allegedly responded by flickering the lights and causing the toilet to flush repeatedly, which Trump interpreted as “coastal elite ghost bias.”
The encounters have become more frequent, with Trump claiming Lincoln appears specifically when he’s considering important decisions. “I’ll be sitting there, thinking about policy, and suddenly there’s Lincoln, shaking his head,” Trump explained. “Very rude. Very disrespectful. Probably a Democrat.”
Paranormal experts suggest the ghost might be trying to communicate important messages about democracy, unity, or constitutional governance. However, Trump insists Lincoln is jealous of his “bigger hands, better hair, and superior bathroom fixtures.” As one exasperated historian noted: “We’re witnessing American history’s most profound spiritual connection being reduced to a bathroom renovation dispute.”
The ghost has allegedly tried leaving cryptic messages in the mirror fog after showers, but Trump interprets them as bathroom graffiti from “Never Trump ghosts.” When staffers suggested Lincoln might be offering wisdom about governance, Trump responded that he “knows more about being president than Lincoln, who by the way, had very bad approval ratings until after he died. Sad!”
According to constitutional scholars, this is not how the founding fathers envisioned executive power being used. Though to be fair, they also didn’t envision indoor plumbing, so perhaps everyone is operating outside their historical wheelhouse.
The situation escalated when Trump reportedly attempted to charge Lincoln’s ghost rent for haunting premium White House real estate. When the ghost refused, Trump threatened to “exorcise the hell out of him,” leading to what witnesses described as “the pettiest supernatural confrontation in presidential history.”
As this bathroom cold war continues, one thing is clear: even from beyond the grave, Lincoln can’t escape being dragged into American political theater. The man who held the nation together during its darkest hour is now apparently stuck mediating bathroom disputes with a spray-tanned reality TV president. If this isn’t proof we’re in the darkest timeline, nothing is.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/donald-trump%c2%92s-lincoln-bathroom-ghost/
SOURCE: Donald Trump’s Lincoln Bathroom Ghost (Aisha Muharrar)
