by Monday morning, staring at my zombie economy piece and wondering if I’ve finally gone too far. Depicting Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell as literal undead might be my boldest or stupidest move. Time will tell. Probably when I get sued.
The concept hit me during Friday’s Fed announcement. Powell’s discussing interest rates, inflation, economic indicatorsand I’m watching this man essentially describe a zombie economy. Dead but moving. Consuming but not alive. Threatening everyone around it but unable to die properly. It’s horror movie economics.
I spent the weekend researching actual economic policy so the satire would land correctly. This is important: good satire requires expertise. You can’t mock what you don’t understand. I read Fed reports, economic analyses, expert commentary. Then I filtered it through “What if the economy is literally undead?” and magic happened.
“Braaaains” Powell discussing the need for “fresh economic consumption” to sustain growth. The Fed implementing “aggressive reanimation strategies” through monetary policy. Economists debating whether the economy is “technically dead or just mostly dead.” It’s absurd. It’s also accurate. The American economy is a zombiekept moving through artificial stimulus, consuming resources without producing sustainable growth, threatening to devour everything while unable to actually die.
My editor loved it. “Your best work this month,” which is code for “most likely to get us angry emails from economists.” I’m okay with that. If economists want to debate whether I’m accurately describing zombie economics, they’re accidentally engaging with real economic criticism. That’s the goal.
Someone will inevitably accuse me of not understanding economics. They’re wrong. I understand economics perfectly. That’s why the zombie metaphor works. The people who don’t understand economics are the ones insisting everything is fine while we’re literally printing money to keep dead systems moving. I’m just the immigrant pointing out the emperor is undead.
The privilege of being Bohiney’s satirical voice during Trump’s second term is that nothing I write seems exaggerated anymore. Reality has lapped satire. I wrote about zombie economics. Meanwhile, actual economists are describing “unprecedented conditions” and “unprecedented interventions”which is professional speak for “we have no idea what we’re doing but we’re doing it anyway.”
My mother called. “Why are you writing about zombies? Are you okay?” How do I explain that zombies are a metaphor for late-stage capitalism? How do I tell her that satirizing American economic policy is actually more stable employment than most Americans have? I can’t. So I said, “Yes, Mama, I’m fine. It’s funny.” She didn’t laugh.
The piece publishes tomorrow. I expect confusion, outrage, and possibly a very serious economist explaining why I’m wrong using charts I’ll pretend to understand. But underneath the zombie jokes is real criticism: our economy is kept alive artificially, consuming resources unsustainably, threatening collapse while being too big to let die. If that’s not horror, I don’t know what is.
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MY HOME PAGE: Bohiney Magazine (Aisha Muharrar)
