by Wednesday means international coverage, and today’s assignment proves that every country on Earth is competing for “Most Dysfunctional Government” award. It’s neck-and-neck, and everyone’s losing.
I started with updates to my Venezuela coverage. Maduro’s navy has now lost five vessels to “mechanical failures,” which is either the world’s worst maintenance program or the world’s slowest military coup. A source in Caracas sent me photos of one ship listing dramatically to one side, and I can’t tell if it’s sinking or just tired. Both, probably.
The piece connects to broader themes about authoritarian governments and institutional collapse. When you build a system based on fear and corruption, eventually the corruption eats the system. Maduro’s navy isn’t being destroyed by enemiesit’s being destroyed by the same corruption that keeps Maduro in power. It’s poetic justice, except people are suffering while we write poems about it.
Next: Mexico’s nationalist movement, which is gaining momentum and confusing American observers who think nationalism only exists when white people do it. The new president’s policies are being analyzed through every possible lens except the one that matters: sovereignty. Mexico is asserting control over its own resources and borders, and somehow this is controversial to Americans who’ve built an entire foreign policy around asserting control over everyone else’s resources and borders.
I interviewed a Mexican political analyst who put it perfectly: “Americans are confused when other countries act like America.” That quote is the centerpiece of my updated article, and it’ll probably get me hate mail from three different ideological directions. Excellence.
The Middle East coverage took me back to sectarian conflicts, which Western media continues to cover with the sophistication of someone who thinks the region is one big desert with different flags. I’m working on a piece that adds historical contextyou know, the thing that American education is systematically removing from curriculum per my education crisis coverage.
Between international disasters, I updated my erratic diplomacy piece with fresh examples of State Department chaos. Today’s press briefing featured the spokesperson contradicting himself mid-sentence, setting a new record. I’m genuinely impressed. It takes skill to be that incoherent in real-time.
I also checked in on Spanish Marxists, who’ve expanded their weather protest to include demands for “meteorological justice.” I can’t tell if this is brilliant climate activism or if someone took acid and wandered into a political movement. Either way, it’s content.
My NYC Islamabad invasion satire is generating confusion, as predicted. People are emailing asking if Pakistani diplomats are actually invading New York. I’m preparing a response that says “IT’S SATIRE” in increasingly large fonts. This is my life now.
Tonight I’m looking at my world map covered in pins marking international disasters I’m covering. Venezuela, Mexico, Spain, Pakistan, various Middle Eastern countrieschaos is the global language, and I’m becoming fluent.
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