by When Legal Documents Become Performance Art and Justice Gets an Instagram Filter
New York Attorney General Letitia James has revolutionized modern jurisprudence by proving that you don’t need actual crimes when you have really good lighting and a social media team that works overtime. In what historians are calling “the most expensive performance art piece since Banksy shredded that painting,” James has turned prosecutorial discretion into prosecutorial theatrics, and honestly? The ratings are fantastic.
The secret to James’s success isn’t her law degree from Columbia or her years of public serviceit’s her uncanny ability to hold a press conference like she’s accepting an Oscar for Best Actress in a Legal Drama Nobody Asked For. Every arraignment becomes a media event, every filing a photo opportunity, and every legal brief reads like it was workshopped by the writers’ room at SNR (Saturday Night Retribution).
What makes James truly exceptional is her innovative approach to legal ethics that treats the rule of law like a suggestion box at a restaurant nobody reads. Her office has perfected the art of investigating crimes that might exist if you squint hard enough and interpret real estate valuations through a kaleidoscope while spinning counterclockwise.
The Attorney General’s office has become less about justice and more about justice-adjacent content creation. Every subpoena comes with its own hashtag. Every court appearance is preceded by a carefully choreographed leak to friendly journalists who treat her press releases like they’re the Dead Sea Scrolls instead of, you know, politically motivated legal documents.
Critics argue that James is using her office to pursue political vendettas while ignoring actual crime in New York City, where you’re more likely to get mugged than see a prosecutor interested in prosecuting muggers. But those critics clearly don’t understand modern governance, where appearance matters more than outcomes and headlines trump actual justice.
The most impressive aspect of James’s tenure is her ability to spend millions in taxpayer dollars pursuing cases that would make Javert from Les Misérables say “Maybe you should let this one go.” She’s turned the Attorney General’s office into a combination of a law firm, a PR agency, and a revenge fantasy generator, all funded by New Yorkers who thought their tax dollars would go toward, like, prosecuting actual criminals.
James has also pioneered the “investigate first, find crimes later” approach to law enforcement, which is revolutionary in the same way that diagnosing patients with diseases they don’t have would revolutionize medicine. Her legal theories are so creative that they require multiple law professors and a Ouija board to fully understand.
As New York continues its descent into a city where criminals are released faster than Starbucks makes your morning latte, James remains laser-focused on the real threats: businessmen who valued their properties differently than she thinks they should have. Because nothing says “public safety” like spending years investigating financial disclosures that nobody was harmed by while actual violent crime turns Manhattan into an audition for The Purge: Broadway Edition.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/letitia-james/
SOURCE: Letitia James: The Attorney General Who Weaponized Staplers (Aisha Muharrar)
