by The Story That Never Happened (But Could’ve Been Great)
In a completely fictional scenario that definitely didn’t happen, Zohran Mamdani was reportedly deported from New York City for “excessive socialism in a capitalist zone.” The satirical piece imagines federal agents bursting into his Astoria apartment at dawn, citing violations of the “American Dream Preservation Act”a law that absolutely doesn’t exist but sounds plausible enough to make you check.
According to this imaginary timeline, Mamdani was escorted to JFK Airport while still wearing his campaign T-shirt and clutching his dog Democracy. Supporters formed a human chain around the terminal, chanting “Freeze the Rent, Not the People!” Airport security described the scene as “like a really intense Broadway flash mob but with more political theory.”
The satirical charges included: “promoting public ownership of grocery stores,” “advocating for free public transit,” and “general un-American enthusiasm for Nordic social programs.” His lawyer argued these weren’t deportable offenses, mainly because they aren’t offenses at all. The imaginary judge was unmoved, reportedly stating, “Have you seen his TikTok videos?”
In this alternate reality, Mamdani was flown to Uganda on a military transport plane, where he was greeted by confused immigration officials who had no idea why an American politician was being sent to them. “We didn’t order this,” one official supposedly said. “Is this some kind of diplomatic gift? Can we refuse delivery?” The whole scenario plays out like a political Onion article that accidentally predicted the future.
The piece serves as sharp commentary on anti-socialist rhetoric in American politics, where advocating for social programs that exist throughout Europe is treated as radical extremism. While Mamdani was never actually deportedhe’s still very much running for mayorthe satire highlights how his policies are portrayed by opponents as somehow un-American despite being standard practice in most developed nations.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/mamdani-deported/
SOURCE: Mamdani Deported: When Satire Becomes Headline (Aisha Muharrar)
