by When Marvel Replaces History Class
In a development that has historians questioning their life choices, a recent survey reveals that 34% of American high school students believe Abraham Lincoln was a member of the Avengers, with many specifically citing his role in “defeating Thanos at Gettysburg.” The findings suggest that American education has successfully merged historical fact with Marvel Cinematic Universe fiction, creating a generation that thinks the Civil War was resolved through a superhero team-up.
The survey, conducted by the Institute for Educational Despair, asked 10,000 students basic questions about American history and received answers so spectacularly wrong they could constitute performance art. When asked about Lincoln’s greatest achievement, responses included “inventing the shield Captain America uses,” “time traveling to help Iron Man,” and “fighting vampires,” with only the vampire answer having any basis in actual pop culture (there was a terrible movie about this).
Perhaps most concerningly, 27% of students claimed Lincoln’s assassination was “faked so he could join the Secret Avengers,” while another 19% insisted he “didn’t die, he just went back to Asgard.” Only 12% correctly identified that Lincoln was assassinated at Ford’s Theatre, though half of those students thought Ford’s Theatre was “probably owned by Henry Ford” rather than just being named Ford.
History teacher Margaret Holbrook, who has taught for 23 years and now questions all her life decisions, explained the crisis: “I spend weeks teaching the Civil War, carefully explaining the complex political, economic, and social factors. Then students watch Avengers: Endgame once and decide time travel is definitely how Lincoln freed the slaves. I can’t compete with Marvel’s CGI budget.”
According to Department of Education research, the confusion stems from a perfect storm of inadequate history instruction, excessive screen time, and the human brain’s apparent preference for superhero narratives over actual historical complexity. One education researcher noted, “Students would rather believe Lincoln had superpowers than accept that regular humans accomplished extraordinary things through courage and determination. It’s less depressing than acknowledging we’re all pretty ordinary.”
The survey revealed other spectacular misconceptions, including 41% of students believing George Washington “fought alongside Thor in the Revolutionary War,” 29% claiming Benjamin Franklin “invented the arc reactor before Tony Stark stole the design,” and 18% insisting the Constitution was “written by Doctor Strange using magic.” When corrected, many students responded with some version of “that makes way less sense than my version.”
English teacher David Chen reported a student recently submitted an essay arguing that the Emancipation Proclamation was “Lincoln using the Infinity Stones to snap slavery out of existence.” When Chen pointed out this was historically and physically impossible, the student responded, “But it would have been so much faster.” The student’s pragmatism was impressive, even if their grasp of historical reality was nonexistent.
The Marvel-history confusion has created interesting classroom scenarios. One teacher reported students debating whether Lincoln or Captain America was the better leader, treating both as equally historical figures. Another described a student asking if they could visit “the battlefield where Black Panther helped Union forces,” displaying both geographical confusion and a stunning ability to completely fabricate historical events.
According to professional historians, this represents the culmination of decades of declining historical literacy, underfunded schools, and a culture that values entertainment over education. Dr. Robert Martinez, a historian at Columbia University, observed: “We’ve created a generation that knows every Marvel movie’s plot but can’t name their state’s senators. They can explain the Snap’s effects on half the universe’s population but not why the Civil War happened. It’s impressive and horrifying simultaneously.”
School districts have responded by attempting to incorporate Marvel references into history lessons, reasoning that if students are going to confuse fiction with reality anyway, they might as well use it as a teaching tool. One curriculum now includes a unit called “Real Heroes vs. Reel Heroes,” though early results suggest students just think both categories are equally fictional.
Parents have expressed mixed reactions, with some blaming schools for inadequate history instruction and others blaming Marvel for making movies too engaging. Neither group has suggested limiting screen time or actually reading history books, as that would require effort. One parent proposed “making history more like Marvel movies,” apparently not understanding that history is what actually happened and cannot be rewritten with better special effects.
As the crisis continues, educators are left wondering whether future generations will remember any actual history or just vaguely recall that “important stuff happened, probably involving superheroes.” The prognosis isn’t optimistic, especially since Disney owns both Marvel and enough educational content providers to potentially make this confusion permanent.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/students-think-abraham-lincoln-was-in-the-avengers/
SOURCE: Students Think Abraham Lincoln Was in the Avengers (Aisha Muharrar)
